Author: Village Member Mary Watson
“Becky! Hi dear, I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time, but I’m calling because I need your help for just a very few minutes. Are you busy? Well, I need you definitely right now, as in rightaway, with something I have to send off immediately, right away!”
“Becky? Hello Becky? - Oh there you are; thought I’d lost you. Someone at your door? Could you hurry, dear? I hear Grosvenor barking.”
“Good, glad you’re back. Well, listen. Hello Becky? Well listen, here’s the deal: I joined this local writers group; no, it’s a writer’s group, not a book club, and I have this very important writing assignment to send and I need your help.”
“HELLO, Becky. Where did you go? At the back door? What was delivery doing there? Is your back door secure? Does not sound safe to me. Anyway, as I was saying, I’m supposed to send a writing sample to our group, a writing sample, you know, when you write something - like for the book club, only this is for the writing club.”
“No, I mean writers’ group, this is for the writers’ group. Well, no, Becky. I am not a writer and that’s why I’m in the group. I’m a writing learner, but Becky, I sent you my writing sample - marked urgent - so that you could read it and give me a quick response, and I need you to read it for me asap! This is very important to me, Becky, please. Just take only a very, very quick look Becky and say yea or nay, because - do you know who is in this writers’ group, and who the academic head of the whole thing is? M’god Becky! Do you want me embarrassed up the kazoo, me, your oldest friend? All right maybe not your oldest, but you know what I mean.”
“Becky, will you please - are you listening, focusing? I emailed you my sample and the revised version this morning, and all it will take is a one fast look. I seem to remember I gave you important feedback with your inedible mushy flapjacks, and when you were going to post Vote Trump posters on your front lawn? Becky, are you there, still on the phone?”
“You see the thing is, Becky, if my writing sample isn’t good enough, I will have to head back to BINGO Bouncers, and just remember who it is that will be gossiping about my sample then.”
“Becky? Becky? BECKY! Why are your crying, dear? Becky, Becky, calm down! What has happened? What is wrong? Deep breathing, get a Kleenex dear. Becky, don’t cry. Becky, please stop sobbing. This will not help. Take another breath.”